Sir, Can You Waddle a Straight Line?
"He's a frequent flyer," said Captain Joe Herrick of the Massillon, Ohio, Police Department. "He's got multiple previous DUI's, multiple previous no operator's license, and operating under suspension, so he's not that good a driver."
To say the least.
Police were called to a pizza parlor's parking lot after the 51-year-old man was involved in a fender-bender. When officers arrived, they say he smelled of alcohol and had red, glassy eyes.
And when the man opened his car door, a bag of marijuana fell onto the pavement.
And so it came to be that Donald Duck was arrested. Again. Really: his name is Donald Norman Duck.
Mr. Duck was booked into the Stark County Jail charged with operating a vehicle while impaired (a felony, since he has four previous drunk driving convictions), as well as drug possession and the possession of drug paraphernalia.
Well what the hell did his parents expect?!
Source: WJW-TV
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Posted by bandit, albuquerque on July 6, 2010:
Just learned Shel Silverstein wrote "A Boy Named Sue".
A science fiction convention has saved most of the duct tape it has used over the years. Now a good sized ball. Name: Howard the Duct.
Lucky for the cops he never learned the Five Feathers of Death.
Wonder if his Uncle Scrooge throws his bail.
Gotta stop - this is too easy.
My favorite real (ie parent-given) names are
Blue Violet Brown (a friend of mine).
Crystal Shanda Lear, daughter of Bill Lear, of Lear Jet fame (also the variable capacitor, which made AM radios affordable).
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My brother had a friend in high school: Candy Cotton. Last I heard, she was not in prison. -rc
Posted by Mike from Dallas on July 6, 2010:
As I've said elsewhere, I've looked it up to find out there really IS a Seymour Butts (several, in fact), along with others you've heard. And that there really are people named John Doe.
Bottom line is, how many people have adopted a nickname, such as Butch, rather than suffer a given name they felt was not fitting, perhaps like Aloysius or Percival? Gotta admit, Slick does sound better than Billy Jeff (Clinton). Or chosen to use their middle name, like F. Scott Fitzgerald?
And a legal name change is not expensive at all, nor does it require any actual justifiable reason, such as Marvelous Marvin Hagler, or Love 22 (look it up) who was actually a US Presidential candidate. Besides, while it's cumbersome and takes longer, you can legally change your name, yourself, without court simply by establishing its continued usage.
No, Momma Duck or Daddy Duck, as the case may be, may have been creeps, but they are not to blame for Dystopic Duck.
Posted by eileen in san jose, ca on July 7, 2010:
In the late 60s, my mother's gyn doc was named Seymour Polk (pronounced "poke"). There's an orthopod in my area named Michael Butcher. And...would you go to a GP named Posthumos? Now, the parents probably did not insist these guys become doctors, but their names/specialties are just a hoot!
I was a newborn nurse for 25 years, and experienced first-hand the idiocy of some baby names. I just can't provide them as I'm bound by privacy laws.